I feel you on the mortality panic - for me it came out of anxiety and trauma I had to work through with my therapist, but the sudden terror that I don't have enough time left and that everything I want out of my life has to happen now right now or it's never going to happen is soooo relatable. I'm still working on it but I'm at least trying to believe I have time and I can breathe.
I'm by no means considered rich now but I have been thinking about how clearly the divide between the grinding poverty I was in in my 20s and the relative comfort I'm in now changed the social dynamics around me. People around me who had enough money to live on in their 20s just truly did not get what I was going through and judged me according to their abilities and standards. It's just given me a lot of clarity on the kind of thing you were talking about - the rules and laws we live by in different classes.
I'm glad the boys are doing better with their feeder! They're so cute!!
Thank you for your thoughts! Adjacently, I have many thoughts also about how much the general sense of doom about the world can come from just personally being poor and depressed (and depressed from poverty). I think I've had a more solid sense that I could possibly impact the world in a real way now that my life is stable. I think part of the terror of life ending is that there's a level of it that's just beginning. My new year's resolution for my birthday this year is focusing on learning how to chill and expect positive things. I think many parts of life will feel like a "just beginning" and I can't panic for all of them, however many I get!
I feel you on the mortality panic - for me it came out of anxiety and trauma I had to work through with my therapist, but the sudden terror that I don't have enough time left and that everything I want out of my life has to happen now right now or it's never going to happen is soooo relatable. I'm still working on it but I'm at least trying to believe I have time and I can breathe.
I'm by no means considered rich now but I have been thinking about how clearly the divide between the grinding poverty I was in in my 20s and the relative comfort I'm in now changed the social dynamics around me. People around me who had enough money to live on in their 20s just truly did not get what I was going through and judged me according to their abilities and standards. It's just given me a lot of clarity on the kind of thing you were talking about - the rules and laws we live by in different classes.
I'm glad the boys are doing better with their feeder! They're so cute!!
Thank you for your thoughts! Adjacently, I have many thoughts also about how much the general sense of doom about the world can come from just personally being poor and depressed (and depressed from poverty). I think I've had a more solid sense that I could possibly impact the world in a real way now that my life is stable. I think part of the terror of life ending is that there's a level of it that's just beginning. My new year's resolution for my birthday this year is focusing on learning how to chill and expect positive things. I think many parts of life will feel like a "just beginning" and I can't panic for all of them, however many I get!